And Then
by Zanzou
Summary: After they stop fighting, it gets harder. Alle/Marie, genderswap.


**Title**: And Then  
**Pairings**: Allelujah/Marie. But Joseph/Allelujah.  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Warnings**: Discussion of rape, genderbend.  
**Summary**: After they stop fighting, it gets harder.  
**Notes**: Written for the Gundam 00 kink meme.

He's is lying down. He knows this because his body (better than all the others, perfect, the best) can feel the pull of gravity. Even in the room, designed to block out the world around him, strapped to the bed, he could still feel the pull of the Earth.

It anchored him. The world, God's creation, as perfect as himself, was still there.

But he was alone.

Until, one day, he isn't alone anymore.

The voice comes first, quiet. He thinks maybe it's God, until a soft, small hand slips into his own.

His eyes cannot see. But with her touch, his mind lights up like a fire, light blazing through the dark corners, and he doesn't need to.

Her light-- his angel's light, God's light, the first step in making the world-- is all he'll ever need.

The doctors tell him her name is Mary. He tells her her name is Allelujah.

***

It's hard, once they leave Celestial Being and stop fighting. Not each other-- somehow, they never fight each other-- but everything else.

Allelujah doesn't deal well, with normal people.

Joseph doesn't see it at first; misses the hastily averted eyes, the clenched hands, the bitten lips.

But when Allelujah jerks back, face pale and palms wet, from a group of schoolchildren walking through the archway to the church, Joseph knows something is wrong.

It starts to spiral out of control, after that. Allelujah starts dreaming, and then stops sleeping. If Joseph is very, very careful, she will let him touch her, hold her. In his arms, she lets her arms shut and mind rest, though she refuses to sleep.

They are super soldiers. The lack of sleep doesn't hurt them, like it would a normal human.

He wonders, as he holds her shaking body, if she slept at all while she was imprisoned. He doesn't think so.

"It's too quiet, Joseph," she whispers one night, wrapping his arms firmly around her shoulders.

His mind reaches out for hers, and meets only emptiness. "I know it is," he says, and bows his head into her shoulder, smelling her hair.

They get by.

***

As soon as Allelujah finds out she's pregnant, she starts to improve.

Joseph thinks, privately, that it's a good thing that Allelujah was able to sense the change so quickly-- before even the tests picked it out.

Even the next day, her colour improves. Blood flushes her skin, her smile makes her glow. They're happy.

Joseph knows better than to take anything for granted. When Allelujah is kidnapped by Feldt for a day of shopping (something of an in-joke, as far as he could tell), he goes to see Sergei.

Sergei's grave had been moved, since things had settled. Andrei had never apologized-- had never spoken to Joseph, could barely look at him the one time they had been in the same room-- but he had quickly, quietly, had his father's grave moved to their family plot.

"Hello, Colonel," Joseph said, staring down at the grave. "I'm sorry I haven't been by. Things have been busy, with Allelujah." He waited, and swallowed down the tears that tried to force their way up. "She's better now, though. She's pregnant." He laughed, the sound wet despite his best efforts. "You're going to be a grandfather."

Joseph takes a deep breath, forces the tears back in place. "You're the first person I've told," he said, smiling the small, tender smile his father had always loved. "I don't have many people left, who're just mine."

The silence felt oppressive, suddenly, and Joseph shifted, guiltily. After a moment, he sighed. "I'm going to ask Andrei to be the godfather," he offered up, finally. "Allelujah..." he stopped. "We're both finally ready to make peace."

***

Andrei accepts.

Allelujah has a baby girl.

They name her Holly.

***

The 00 Gundam isn't used very often. Even more rarely, the 00-Raiser.

Joseph doesn't need the connection the machine causes to know that Allelujah isn't better.

***

"Do you hate me for what I did, Joseph?" Allelujah asks one night, stroking the pink glow of their daughter's cheek.

Joseph knows what she's talking about. When she gets like this, there are only ever two options, and they're the same at the core.

"I don't hate you, Allelujah," he said, careful of his phrasing. Allelujah withdrew when he tried to take away the blame.

"You should," she said, dreamily. "All those children I killed-- they were just like our little girl." She smiled, and tears snaked down her cheeks. "Innocent. Pure."

Joseph grips the wood of the crib, tight. "Nothing in that place was pure," he said, harshly. "What they did to us... what they made us into. What they made us _do_-- none of us left there pure, if we left there at all."

"They were still--"

"Listen to me, Allelujah. We weren't people there. They called you Mary-- all of the girls there. The ones that weren't-- wrong. They were _all_ 'Mary'. And I was Joseph. We were supposed to come together to make something--" he cut himself off, grimacing.

Allelujah looks at him, uncomprehending, though working hard to remain so.

"It's easier to make a super soldier the old fashioned way, Allelujah," Joseph said, staring resolutely at the wall.

Allelujah chocked, and reached a hand toward him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him close. "Does Holly have siblings?" she asked, desperate. Then, "Did I-- did I _kill your children_?"

Joseph snapped his attention back to her, eyes widening. "No!" he said, and kissed Allelujah's forehead. "They didn't-- it never worked. They thought we were sterile."

Allelujah relaxed, but stayed close. "She really is a miracle, then," she said, and smiled as she turned her face into Joseph's chest.

Joseph curled his fingers in her hair. All children were gifts from God. The only miracle in the room was her.

***


End file.
